It's a fun contest they have kids play. Be the Mayor or Chief Of Police for a day. They'll go around as everyone pretends they're in charge to humour them. In the movies they take it to the next level and the winner will start making major decisions that, by god, save the town from inevitable disaster.
So what if the job was NBA commissioner and instead of a movie it was reality? Here's what I'd do. Not reducing the schedule to 40 games. No huge changes. I've previously made lists of big ways to fix All Star, the NBAtwice and the useless discipline system. These are just small changes that would be felt across the NBA.
1.Mic Players And Refs
Why Can't An NBA Player Swear
Like A Hockey Player
I want to hear everything. This really only works with the near removal of fines for things players/refs say. Is it worth it? Yes. When I watched HBO's epic series, 24/7 - The Road To The Winter Classic I was constantly thinking one of three things. First, the supreme intensity and entertainment value of hockey at it's best. Nice come back NHL. Second: what if the NBA was not so paranoid about it's image that it let the game be a man's game again. Third: what if they actually let us see that raw, real hoop at the highest level for what it was always supposed to be?
I'm sick of NBA Cares. I want trash talk and stares.
2. Get Rid Of Homer Announcers, And Loosen Up The Heavies
Reggie Kind Of Sucks At His New Job
But He's Clearly Not Being Himself
Every once in a while when you watch feeds or downloaded games, they forget to flip a switch and you catch announcers talking when they don't know it's on. It's better. They give their real opinions instead of the postured ones. Their banter is better. (Reggie warned Kevin Harlen not to give him a golden shower during one game). Their analysis is better. Let them loose off the leash. Let them be themselves.
That would improve things. Removing Homer announcers would entirely change how the game is portrayed. Homers in general suck and the Homer Booth only creates more of them when they actually take something that Stacey King says seriously while openly cheer for the Bulls. Tommy Heinsohn also deserves strong mention. Get rid of all of them and replace them with real people who actually know how to call a game. Speaking of which...
3. Hire Gus Johnson To Call Everything
Gus Isn't Screaming, He's Calling
His Own Demise... With Excitement
If Marv Albert is the greatest hoops announcer ever, then Gus is #2, except Gus is actually #1. No one. No. One. Calls an exciting game better then Gus Johnson. He elevates how the sport of basketball is perceived by a brain processing it. I've mentioned in this space before how Gus Johnson got me excited calling the ball boys wiping up sweat after a foul. I looked up fully expecting them to do something miraculous and laughed at myself.
It's time for the NBA to hire this guy to call huge games and the playoffs. Announcers are all trying to be the next Chick Hearn. "Hand down man down" pretty much means nothing and we have to get back to people who actually get into what they're watching. I don't care about how the Van Gundy brothers used to play in their driveway. Why not put Dick Vitale beside Gus Johnson? Could you imagine how much better the Bulls/Celtics classic series would have been with them? How could this not make the NBA product better?
4. Remove All Canned Music From Stadiums, Only Organs Allowed
Humber Gardens: Home Of The
Corner Brook Royals Where My Dad's
Organ Rocked Fans Into A Frenzy
When I was a child, my father would take me to see the Corner Brook Royals play hockey in my sparsely populated home town. We didn't have to pay to get in. Why? Because my dad played the organ for all the hockey games. When they won the national title in 1986, they made sure to bring him with them.
Why?
Because in sports, organs matter. To this day, 25 years later and after he passed on, people still contact me about their memories of my father. He'd get them going to another level they didn't think possible a minute before. I sat beside him seeing him work an entire stadium on a PA I still own today. He'd see that the team was sluggish and knew what songs to play to get the crowd going for one last boost in the 3'rd. Musicians feel crowds, gather their energy, and feed it back in like an amplifier circuit. The Pussycat Dolls just suck.
I remember watching MJ, Reggie et al do some of their most amazing feats without fireworks or the latest pop sensation playing on speakers while the game was on. NYC still has that organ and I noticed it like an old friend I hadn't seen in a decade these past playoffs. It's still awesome and rockin MSG. Everyone agrees so I'd put them everywhere. Thanks for the memories Dad! Organs matter.
5.Buy The NBA On NBC Theme Song
It's just better. Yes, it was written by an enormous douche John Tesh, yes, he spent years wasting a nation's brain cells on Entertainment Tonight, but we'll give him this, he wrote the best sports theme song ever. So just shell out NBA, spend what it takes. Get the theme song from NBC and force everyone to use it. It's called branding and unfortunately you sold out the guys who branded the NBA better then anyone to ABC's Survivor money. It's not too late though and everything has it's price. Get the song and every opening to every game is instantly better. Fact.
Watch The 2009 ABC Finals Intro With
Roundball Rock And No Editing: Amazing!
6. One Ring To Rule Them All
Or one ring of announcers? Just out-right hire the announcers and broadcast staff from all the networks. Take some control over how the NBA product is packaged and published. Why are we listening to Magic say just about nothing in the NBA finals when TNT's crew is so much better? It's silly we listen to Mark Jackson when Marv Albert is alive. Just find a way so that the best people covering the game are there when it matters. Make it part of the TV contracts that networks have to share guys and make the best product possible for the good of all.
7. Let The Refs Give Interviews
If Refs Could Explain This Conversation Maybe
People Could Understand Why Their Horrible
Calls Ruin Games Instead Of Judge Them For It
Of all the baffling rules the NBA has this is the cake. Why not let officials give interviews after games? I'm sure they're grown men who won't buckle under the pressure and embarrass the league... the players do a good enough job of that. If a ref made a bad call he can explain what happened and 9 times out of 10 it's going to make sense. Let them defend themselves instead of just getting killed in the press along with the NBA's image. If they can just explain the thought processes maybe people will understand more. Ref's will also instinctively be more motivated to get calls right if they know they have to explain themselves after. It's just so black and white.
8. Provide Better Stats
If Derek Fisher Leads
The League In Charges For The
10'th Time And There's No
Stats, Does Anyone Care?
The work for many unpublished stats is already done and sitting in the NBA's databases. All they need to do is release it. Not even release, they just need to display it. Use it.
Take drawn charges. We see them in the play by play, but you have to go to hoopdata.com for a list of leaders. There's a plethora of other stats that are MIA. Quarterly stats? Open shot percentage? Shot contests? Hockey assists? All these things invariably matter but the NBA just doesn't seem bothered to acknowledge, record and publish the information.
When they do, it's going to look quite stupid in years to come, much like not having the shot blocking numbers from Bill Russell or Wilt's career looks today.
It's not from a lack of interest. It's not from a lack of resources to do these tasks. If some behaviour on a basketball court helps teams win and can be quantified, we should have stats on it. Derek Fisher gets almost 0 love from a statistical ranking because he does things that don't go in box scores. He's maybe the best player in the league over the past 10 years at something very important but is just seen as a role player.
9. Add A 4 Point Line
Why not? If you hit a shot from behind half court or even 35 feet it should be worth more simply because it's exponentially harder. It's more spectacular. As I see it, anything that helps a desperate team get back in it when they are on the ropes should be a go. Could you imagine how intense a 5 point play would be to swing a game?
When I went to ABA games in Halifax they had a great rule. Force a TO in the back court and a light went on. If you made the basket on the ensuing possession you got an extra point. Leads were not as safe and players D'ed up to win because even if they were down 10 points, they knew they were in it. Desperation creates drama.
10. Make The Court Bigger
They Dropped The Cages, Why Keep The Floor?
I'm a little surprised this has never been experimented with before. The court is not designed with a specific purpose. It's an arbitrary 50 feet wide. Even if there was a method to this it's long since become irrelevant. Players have become incredibly bigger, stronger and faster. The space may have been good for people with peach baskets, maybe it even suited the guys in the 50's, but for much too long the game has been cramped into either end of the court.
When the NBA adopted the 3 point line in 1980 rather then sensibly widen the court since players would now be spaced out more they shortened the line on the sides. The result: players have 3 feet on either side of the court to work in. Why? Is this better? The elite athletes of the NBA can cover this distance in 2-3 steps. They never really get a chance to get going in any half-court set slowing down the action and making it easier for weaker athletes to defend. Not even to mention, this style of play is largely responsible for so many injuries that hamper the marketability of the game.
Widening the court will give players more room to operate and open things up for the most athletic/talented players. It creates an all around more exciting experience. Instead of getting trapped in the corner we'll see split double teams and widened passing/attacking lanes for better ball movement and so many more vicious assaults on the rim.
Of course. this is not the movies, and I'll never be commish of the NBA, but it does not stop me from playing the what if game. I still often wonder why the NBA is so reluctant to experiment with even minute changes to improve things for all. David Stern loves to talk about the tradition of the game, but in reality I think he's just a pretty unimaginative guy who's more about the NBA's books then the game itself. The only change he's gone after, The New Ball, blew up in his face because it was actually just a marketing gimmick they'd put no thought into.
Bad Movie, Good Idea
It's likely to never happen, but I've never understood why teams, owners and the league office are so bloody content when they are sitting on such a base of talent. Why not shake things up a little and make some harmless changes? Why not have a commish for a day contest? Haven't they ever seen Little Big League?
Storybook endings are rare in sports but easily the most cherished moments. You'll feel lucky that you experienced that game instead of the highlights years later. Commonality is not memorable. Its almost never the actual play that determines if an event is going to be special. Its the details surrounding games and between whistles that drive the enormity the biggest reason we are sports fans. Its fun to try and predict them too when you're right, two years back I predicted the Warriors over Mavs upset and last year successfully picked Davidson to the elite 8. I picked GMU out in the first round though and lost both brackets and fantasy league though. ;0
A couple examples to get warmed up.
MJ. Career Game. Little to do with stats or records. Not the perfect game. Had they lost game 5 to the Jazz it probably would have broken the Bulls. Jordan's stomach virus was visibly making him wobble on court. In his face mind over matter was personified. Pushing out the fatigue, ignoring the sickness for just a few seconds, he focused for the mere seconds it took to score. Rather, rinse repeat until the hearts of Stockton/Malone were crushed to an irreparable state. People truly felt they were seeing something bigger then basketball that game. Watching anything other then the whole game at that specific date in time does not count. An epic struggle of a spectacular human vs. his own humanity, even if it was only sports. Anyone who claims a jumper after crossing/pushing Byron Russel tops that game is more misguided then "Mission Accomplished."
Its not the degree of difficulty of Reggie's biggest moment. Hiting 2 3's between stealing the in bounds pass to scored 8 points in 9 seconds to win... No, that was only amplification. It was IN Madison Square Garden. After a career of proving to Knicks fans that you can NEVER count out Reggie Miller they collectively started to celebrate and count out Reggie Miller. They thought the task too much for even him. He took it personally and for revenge decided he was going to rip out the hearts of an entire stadium/city full of Knicks fans, rip the confidence out from that heart and hold it still beating before their faces. Reggie Miller 1, city of 10 million, 0. If there was ever an F-You ball moment that was it. They did respect him by choice but by force. Reggie is one of the only players in history that truly did enjoy playing on the road as much as home and maybe the only guard that 'wanted' to play Jordan. Jordan was the biggest, and Reggie lived for the biggest moments.
He Did This To Them, They Chanted His Name
I tricked you though. The event above is not Miller's most spectacular or memorable moment; to me anyway. Its something much less famous. In Reggie's last game in NYC the Pacer hometown chant of Reggie! Reggie! raucously echoed in every corner of Madison Square Garden while fans stood on their seats to honor a player many had been indoctrinated to hate since birth. In MSG. Praising 'The Enemy'. It was like watching the Pope pray to Allah in the Sistine Chapel. Rudy's cheers pale in comparison. Ultimate respect for one of THE most important players in Knicks history and they made sure he knew it. Its my favorite sports moment ever.
The improbability drives the drama. The setting and context cause doubt. Most "I believe" moments have a "how silly was I" refrain. Outcomes will be negative almost always if something even has a chance to be shown on replays for 50 years. A handful of times though a player or team is up for the challenge. They say "We Believe". You say "BS, I don't". Then you get pulled over and someone decides to do something people will talk about till long after they are relevant anymore.
Check this list for 5 potential moments this post-season that offer players the slimmist chance of becomming bigger then the game itself. Lebron or Kobe winning will be cool and they'll be great but it whats expected to happen so its not going to really be that big a deal after they retire and the marketing campaign for them slows down. These aren't getting on the list for their likeliness to happen, but rather for the opposite, and the enormity of their importance if the miraculous did occur. 1. Allen Iverson Back "Heals"?
Need An Answer? Doc Has The Cure!
As I write this the Pistons are down 0-2 to the Cavs and the 'end of an era' columns are already showing up on every sports site on the internet. Everyone has written this team off after the Iverson trade and AI is looking like his career is headed in the same direction. Down. The Cavs are the best team in the league and Lebron it's best player and look unstoppable in a 7 game series. Their direction. Up.
There's only two games left for this to happen but should Iverson/Curry/Dumars/The Pistons sit down and make a commitment to each other true playoff history could be made. AI goes all out on a mission, the last of his career, destoring his body to quiet the doubter in a game 7 upset. The Pistons become the first team to ever come back from down 3-0.
After taking more criticism then ever in his historically criticized career AI proves to people he's a team player. The Pistons complete a memorable 4 game series ending sweep. Iverson shuts up everyone who's ever questioned him before. The Pistons shut up anyone who ever questioned their heart. On the other end this would be a crushing defeat for Lebron. One from which he may never recover much like Dirk never recovered from the warriors handing him his own ass on a first round exit platter. Moments like these can turn an entire career. Ask Nic Anderson.
Why It Can Happen: The Pistons are going to lose. It will look bad on them. It will look bad on Iverson. But have nothing TO lose. For the sake of the team someone like Dumars might try something historic.
Why It Won't Happen: NBA egos' and pride prevent people from doing things for the sake of the team anymore... that, and Lebron's own mission is in full effect.
Wow Factor: 8
Likelihood: 1
People Stop Talking: It would have to be 2030 at the earliest a while after Bron retires. Never at the latest especially if a 0-3 comeback occured. It would take a full generation for people to not bring it up. Would a loss this serious put a crack in his thus iron clad confidence? I think so.
2. KG Returns To Push Celts Over The Top
KG Is Actually A Cry Baby, But I'm Not Telling Him
KG's legacy is in the balance. He's proven that Minnesota's follies were not his doing. Ironically however, it's Celtic great Kevin McHale that he can impersonate to create the hallmark of his whole career erasing the criticism he recieved due to McHale's front office incompetence.
To get past the Cavs its most likely will have to return. If KG can emulate Willis Reed and come back the drama will go off the charts. If he can emulate McHale and play his heart out while hurt he may walk away with a limp for the rest of his life, but it will be a limp that makes his enormous paycheques useless in every New England bar for the rest of his life.
Why It Can Happen: There are few whose presence could make such a difference. And there are few with the psychotic intensity required to permanently injure yourself for the sake of winning one or two more games out of 7. If completed KG goes directly to first ballot of the all time warrior list. With KG the Celtics are the best team in the league. The Celts have gotten stronger without him and I can't see KG sitting for the whole playoffs without trying at least once. His return will make the Celtics go bananas. He's got one game to use that chip in so he'd better choose wisely.
Why It Can't Happen: This one is actually pretty likely given aforementioned insane intensity and the fact that it looks like KG can actually get on the court and perform, if in pain and not efficiently.
Wow Factor: 7
Liklihood: 9
People Stop Talking: Knowing Celtic's fans propensity to fanboy their legends (many still claim Bill Russell is the GOAT and no one is close) this might be never. But you'd got to expect this to be shown in retrospective at least once during every Celtics run for the next 50 years and then some. People should quiet down by 2050 but probably talk till at least 2075.
PS: I just watched that KG interview and am more convinced then ever that KG is the best teammate in the history of sports. If you have not watched it take the time: its worth seeing why he got his contract.
3. Dwayne Wade Plays Out Of His Mind
How Many Can Win A Series By Themselves?
Wade has done this one once before but with a team much better then these Heat. If his mediocre teammates can gel enough to keep them in enough games for Wade to take over in the clutch something speical can happen. Wade has to answer the challenge strongly enough for a truly historic run. The historical tipping point would be Wade vs Bron.
Lebron gets the MVP award in the same way as David Robinson was handed his award in game 1 vs Houston. Then Hakeem ripped out his heart, then ripped out his heart's confidence and held it in front of his face, beating. If Wade can respond with taking over the series and soundly out playing Lebron, especially defensively, he will have quieted all the people who foolishly voted against him and affirm himself as the best player in the world.
Writers roundly declared his career as an elite player over. If he can push the heat to winning the title like Dream did it will change everything. Wade gives us one of the most fantastic runs of all time and will start to be mentioned in the same breath as the holy unbreakable trinity of Magic/Bird/Jordan.
Why it Could Happen: Wade is ridiculously good and arguably the best in the world.
Why It Won't Happen: Lebron is ridiculously good and arguably the best player in the word... and has the much better team.
Wow factor: 9, (10 if champions)
Likelihood: 3 and 1 respectively
People Stop Talking: This goes the history of the league. It would put Wade into best player ever discussions as the only guard besides MJ to win without a dominant center. It would be considered the best individual run of all time.
4. Dirk/Mavs Put It Together And Win The Title
He's Fallen: Can He Get Back Up?
The Mavs are an odd team. They lack depth and have been underachieving since they started round 1 vs the Warriors two years ago. The Jason Kidd trade which was bad has now become under rated. Devin Harris' awesome performance has much to do with the team making him the focus of the offense. The sheer volume of negative press the trade received has so outweighed the trade's positives that its undervalued now.
Vetran teams that win championships are not regular season juggernauts. Instead of fast starts they play their best ball at the end of the season. See 08-09 Celtic's 27-2 record to start, KG injury, and subsequent early playoff exit (if #1 on this list does not happen) for examples of vet teams not winning championships. See the Spurs past few titles despite TD et al being either injured, on weaker teams or past their prime for examples of winning.
Its all logical. In the regular season depth matters. You play 3-4 games a week. If you win with your starters they will wear out and hurt the post-season chances. In the playoffs you play 1-2 games a week and rotations shorten as you give your best players heavy minutes. Start to kick after allstar, attain a higher seed then anyone thought capable, cream a weaker opponent in the first round and start to roll on your title run. In the post season you win with your best 6 players and since there's more days of rest older players have much less problem putting it all on the floor and then recovering for the next game 3 days later.
Being doubted all season helps. Shoulder chips for all! More then any other sport this matters in ball: you never want to play the team that feels disrespected or angry. After years of Dirk is soft articles, years of Jason Kidd being considered done and out of 'best PG in the league' discussions you'd better bet they have something to prove.
Why It Can Happen: Kidd can still play and wisely waited till the last month to step up his game, Dirk is still in his prime and Josh Howard has underachieved all year. The Mav's bench players like Bass/Barrera et al have stepped it up. If the many cards fall right Dallas still has the pieces to be very elite. Elite yet under rated teams have a habit of surprising teams and occasionally winning titles.
Why It Can't Happen: Other then having ref's who are in their pockets instead of the Heat, they've always had the pieces. They've never gotten it done. Why should it be different?
Wow Factor: 8
Likliness Factor: 5
People Stop Talking: Hard to judge. I say 2015-2025. Once Kobe retires it won't be nearly as big. This would be enormously discussed right now however consensus would quickly build that the Mavs were always underrated while the other two over rated lessening the achievement of the Mavs. A bevy of reasons they lost before would seem very reasonable if they got the title. People don't talk about the Rockets first Dream Championship cuz it was pretty obvious they were the best team with the best player now. People forget no one thought that at all going in. AT ALL.
5. Derrick Rose Pulls A Magic
This Kid Can Flat Out Play
Very few rookies start. Fewer still are their team's leaders. Only one has led their team to a championship. After two games vs the Celtics Rose has shown he's got the chops to be a truly great player. If he can play at the same level he showed in game 1 what really is the ceiling of this Bulls team?
A Rose/Bulls that consistent can take out the Celtics without KG. With the confidence they gain from that can they push the Cavs? One thing is for certain: if the Rose/Bulls we have seen thus far in the playoffs was playing all season the Bulls win at least 10-20 more games, have home court and be roundly considered championship contenders, if only a dark horse.
Why It Can Happen: It's happened before, it will happen again. Its only a matter of time. A great point can turn almost any underachieving team into a winner and the bulls have proven they've got a whole arsenal of weapons to throw at teams.
Why It Can't Happen: Youth gives you great legs but can be a serious bitch. How are the Bull's front line going to respond the first time foul trouble hits in the first quarter? Probably with panic, more fouls and a loss.
People Stop Talking: Since it's year one of the Derrick Rose era he probably won't retire until at least closeish to 2030. If he pulls it off and has the career that appears to be in front of him it will take everyone who watched to die before they shut up. So the basement is probably 2060. The ceiling 2100 or never. 5A. Little Brothers Are Not Allowed To Win Fights
The Dominant Story Of The Present Era Could Be Story Book... If The Real Shaq Is Behind The Mask
This was scenario one I wrote before the Suns were eliminated from the playoffs and before Amare went out for the season.
Should the Suns make the playoffs Shaq's 8'th place team will face the Lakers in one of Kobe's last chances to prove he could win without the Diesel. The beef is real: not marketing. Both would relish putting their own stamp on the defining moment of the tail end of each other's careers. For Kobe he would push Shaq out of the post season on his way to his first non-Shaq championship. But that's expected.
Shaq is supposed to lose that matchup though. The setting is perfect. If he lays it ALL on the floor and pushes his body at 36 what it used to do 5-10 years earlier, he could make a statement 1000's of times stronger then "Kobe how my ass taste!" No rap neccessary, this would be pure drama and ultimate revenge against the team and player that deserted him after he delivered 3 championships and one more finals appearance in 5 years. After that win Shaq could say anything, any slam at all or nothing at all, and they would have to take it. It defines story book.
Its not likely but without the setup for something unlikely nothing truly historic can happen.
Why It Will Happen: Shaq is playing better then he has in years and the Suns are playing their best ball of the year. Nash and Amare have already sent Kobe packing a few times and have a mental edge to compete with him. Shaq has he's twice the player when he cares and might totally get into Kobe's head if say during game 1, Shaq does something crazy like the Jabberwokeze dance to get the crowd on his side, and then goes insane in the game and gets cheers. Kobe's head would split in two pieces if people in LA gave Shaq love in the playoffs.
Why It Won't Happen: Bynum should be back by the playoffs and the Lakers look just too strong with Gasol, Odom, Bynum, Kobe and decent role players. They should be the best team in the West and have a cakewalk to the finals.
Wow Factor: 10 given the history
Likelihood: 4 The suns are better after allstar then before. They're way above what their record indicates. If their shooters connect you never know what happens. Live by the 3 teams sometimes live.
Most truly great historic playoff moments are nearly impossible to predict because there's nothing truly memorable about the best team winning a title. That's why MJ's 3 most famous moments are the flu game, his switch hands shot when he was the underdog vs the Lakers and his final shot in Utah when he was supposed to be too old. Its rare people talk about his Phoenix, Seattle or Portland series even though they were better performances of unquestioned dominance.
In the same way there is very little talk about the Celtics past dynasty. They were an unbeatable super team. Winning was assumed so when they won it wasn't special unless you were a Celtics fan or your team was crushed by them. The sagging popularity of the league when the Celts dominated is a strong indicator of this.
If even one of these events took place it would be nothing short of spectacular. Just like the flu game or Reggie receiving adoration from his sworn enemies. These events fans would rehash throughout their own lives, retelling to their children and subsequently their grandchildren. Its what makes sports transcend generations and truly great. So while unlikely if we keep our fingers crossed maybe, just maybe, something just ridiculous will happen and in 2009 I'll be happy to know that I lived the moment instead of watching the highlights of it.
